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For men who have already married women, that self-acceptance is often tangled shame, betrayal, guilt and dread. Among the ironies of conversion therapies such as LIA is the fact that they are run and managed largely by gay men who have been through the programme themselves, renounced their past and now seek to make others do the same. Indeed, she never did. Today Conley believes his father has come to accept his homosexuality, but the wounds are not entirely healed. Steven Bloom - who runs a Sydney based group - has over men on his email list.

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I was told my dad paused in his sermon for about two minutes, before continuing.

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‘Honey, I’ve got a secret’ : When gay men come out to their wives

But when Conley met him inhe was a diehard proselytiser for conversion. He withdrew from church, wore a Radiohead T-shirt, read Dostoevsky and Gertrude Stein and defended evolution in conversations with a fellow student, whom he calls David, while fantasising about how their bodies might feel curled into one another. On set he sent a case of watches to Conley, asking him to select the one his dad might wear. Legs and underarms shaved at least twice weekly. Detecting and destroying FIs was how you got the gay out. He counts himself among the lucky ones. To friends and family, they were a perfect American family.

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The married father of two suddenly found himself navigating the gay dating world for the first time. Shirts worn at all times, including periods of sleep. He was her husband, the father of her children. Although compassionate towards well-meaning parents who sent their children to places like LIA, Conley struggles to find such generosity for Smid. Jim had been distracted, their relationship was increasingly strained. Among the ironies of conversion therapies such as LIA is the fact that they are run and managed largely by gay men who have been through the programme themselves, renounced their past and now seek to make others do the same.

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